Now Playing Tracks

The 10 Most Badass Pokémon

The Black Scyther-

Born in the volcanic ash of Cinnabar island, this scyther is impervious to flame. It’s whereabouts unknown now, it is known as the apex predator of all the known world. It is sometimes referred to as the Grim Reaper of all pokémon.

Nidoking-

Cast into exile and denying his own birthright, this Nidoking must prove his worth to the people of Kanto to not only reclaim his crown, but to overcome the same darkness in his heart that took his ancestor, Nidokingsildur.

Alakazam-

This prodigy Alakazam realized as a young Abra, that “there is no spoon.” Often found performing at children’s parties and weddings, this pokémon is highly envied by his peers Angelcris and Blaindav.

Mewtwo-

An experiment gone horribly wrong, this pokémon is the failed clone of the legendary Mew. Created by a 5th grader during a demonstration at a science fair, Mewtwo will never forgive nor show mercy to a world it feels it was never meant for (he came in 2nd).

Machamp-

This particularly decorated Machamp, dubbed “The Machampion,” has dedicated its life to feats of strength. It’s accomplishments include but are not limited to: Defeating a Primape, a Hitmonlee using only his feet, Arnold Schwarzenegger and an Onix in an armwrestling contest; lifting the entire Baltic sea with just one arm; and is currently the reigning UFC champion.

Hitmonorris-

The bearded martial arts pokémon. Extremely rare and considered unbeatable. The only known recorded loss of this pokémon was December 30th, 1972 where he was believed to be defeated by Hitmonlee. A street was named after this pokémon in the Kanto region, but was changed because nobody crosses Hitmonorris.

Kabutops-

The prehistoric pokémon. It is believed by researchers that Scyther evolved over millions of years from this species. It’s moves include: Slash, Mega Kick, Thunder Punch, Surf, flying without wings, catching other trainers pokemon, sustaining its existence on your tears, and playing the drums to YYZ.

Zapdos-

The electric bird pokémon. The only known pokémon to speak Spanish exclusively and wear loafers.

Gengar-

A ghost pokémon, the only known of which in existence is believed to be the ghost of every child who lied about having 5 holographic Charizards in a safe at home…With every blatant attempt for attention, this Gengar grows more powerful, specifically to haunt small dishonest children.

The Vegan Snorlax-

Raised on purely almond butter, tofu and kale, this Sleeping pokémon has taken control of its weight. This pokémon has no trainer and spends its time condescending to other Snorlax’ and bragging about how much healthier it is. It would go to the gym, but due to its diet, generally doesn’t have the energy. 

Existential

So much as things change,

They stay the same,

I can’t stop trying,

Trying to guess fate,

It’s fatal…

Learn to let go,

Learn I am able,

To choose my destiny

Everything happens for a reason,

But we were given the power of decision,

Now there’s no reason…

That it can’t be both

I often wonder,

Of cosmic things,

Things I’m not in charge of,

Things I shouldn’t dream about

Learn to let go,

Learn to live now,

Scream with all the air left in me

I am me,

And you can’t have it,

Hate, evil, Devil,

It’s all the same…

I am light,

And I give it to you,

Love, good, God,

He is all the same,

Karma, nature, glory,

He is all the same

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